status update > 140 characters

So, we have apartments in mind. The first on we saw is (are you sitting down? you should sit down.) $1795/month. Keep in mind that the new GI bill is paying for that, no prob. It is gorgeous, 3rd floor (top, corner), 1br, wood floors, some utils included, no parking, almost exactly a mile from school. It is (you should probably sit down again) ON ASHBURY STREET (yes, of Haight-Ashbury fame), about 3 BUILDINGS DOWN from Haight St. I can SEE Haight St. from the front windows.

This one, to move in TODAY, would be first month plus security (one month), and comes to $3,590. Which leaves us with 0 dollars.

We have ANOTHER one we’re thinking about. Oddly, same layout, a few blocks closer to the school (so only a few blocks from Haight-Ashbury). The apt is *a little* nicer (dishwasher, newer bathroom/kitchen amenities), is on the 6th floor, has a rickety turn-of-the-century elevator (complete with sliding metal door), has an absolutely breathtaking view, and is cheaper ($1595? I can’t remember, Alan has the numbers), AND is rent controlled. HOWEVER, to get in the door, it will cost us over $4,300, because FOR SOME REASON, the company that owns the building needs a $500 deposit for the dog, and a $300 for the cat. AND the security is like 1.5x rent. I DON’T FUCKINGUNDERSTAND the need for two deposits. But whatever.

SO. If you remember our math from earlier – Bank Account – $3590 = 0 – you probably can understand our frustration.

OH WAIT, NO YOU DON’T BECAUSE I FORGOT TO MENTION THAT THE GOVERNMENT OWES US $4000 IN MOVING FEES.

SO. We can just deal, and get into the more expensive apt today and stop pissing away money in this hotel. Fine. But, if we do that, we’re losing in the long term because that ANNOYING $800 pet deposit pays for itself in four months.

Which brings me to right now. Alan is pacing around on the phone with USAA trying to get a personal loan. We’re trying not to be impatient and jump at the fist apt, AS COMPLETELY AWESOME as it is, because we know it’s wiser in the long term. But man-oh-man would it be cool to live on Haight – Ashbury.

There was another apt in there, to. It was up the hill from Haight-Ashbury, had THE CRAZIEST view I’ve seen yet, and was $1600. Problem was we’d be living in the basement of a house with hubs-and-wife doctors and a baby. It felt like we’d be living in someone else’s house. It was quieter and nicer, and probably my car was less likely to get broken into, but I’d feel super awkward having people over or stumbling home drunk at 2a.m. (In fact that hill was so insane, I don’t think I COULD stumble home drunk at 2a.m. IT WAS STRAIGHT UP.) Plus the “1 BR” was a room so small you couldn’t even fit our queen bed, AND you’d have to walk through it to get to the bathroom.

So there ya go. Cross your fingers that USAA understands that WE TECHNICALLY HAVE THIS MONEY. Just not YET.

** UPDATE **

USAA fail. Back at square one. Now we call the other landlords and PLEAD AND BEG that we can either delay the pet deposit or argue them out of it.

** UPDATE UPDATE **

Well, we just gave a man we’ve only met once a money order for $3355. So WE ARE IN. And we’re thrilled. I’ll never be completely square with the fact that to keep off the streets I had to take a MORE expensive apartment because it somehow cost less to get my foot in the door, but hey, ya gotta live. And if this is the worst that befalls us, we are a lucky bunch.

We won’t have internet until we get paid on the 14th, so until I duck into a cafe, this is it! I’m sure I’ll keep FB/Twittering from my phone. Thanks, lovelies!

something to do while every channel is the memorial

More photos? Great. Added to the San Francisco July album. There are many more, check the link out. I am taking donations for a real camera. Holy hell, I want one so badly here.

see the bridge?

Photoz

Full Driving Album here.

something is missing...

"safety pullout". Nobody giggled when they made this sign?

it's raining over there

vacancy in needles

tempura veggies. those onion rings blew my fucking mind.

shameless

blue eyes ay Denny's

Happy 4th of July

Full Getting There Album here.

they're only friends because Fry's drugged

copilot

coming in

Good Hotel

hotel

in the shower

leggings i heart them

boat.

that's our school

that's the view from our school

The Fry @ Golden Gate

scarves i heart them

Fry in Drunk Vision

we are here we are here we are here

Going to the beach is to getting sand everywhere, especially your vagina as sitting in a tiny car for three days with two shedding animals is to:

A) eating cat and dog hair with every snack.
B) knitting a cat and dog hair blanket.
C) wearing a cat and dog hair wig.
D) getting cat and dog hair everywhere, EVEN YOUR VAGINA.
E) all of the above.

City’s amazing, fireworks at the pier were super awesome. I can’t believe it. I’ve already taken over 200 photos, I’ll try to upload them soon(ish).

so long, stink town!

So first, the truck was a day late. Apparently, they didn’t have a ramp on Monday when they were originally supposed to deliver it. The truck is kind of no good to us without a ramp, so they delivered it Tuesday.

But not until 5p.m. All day our mantra went something like this: “I sure am getting stressed out that we still don’t have a truck.” “Don’t think about that now. I’m not going to think about that now.”

And we had to schedule the pickup for today (Wednesday) before 4p.m. so that we could get the full weight ticket before the weigh station closed.

When the truck showed up, it couldn’t park in our driveway because it’s too slanty. As is the road in front of the apartment. So we called the housing company and they said we couldn’t park it on the lawn or we’ll be responsible for the damage. The driver asked if he could park it two driveways over, and I said, “Hold on, let us call the housing company again to double check. I don’t want you to set the thing down and drive away, only to have someone from housing drive by five minutes later and say we have to move it.” We all agreed that was a good idea. Housing says great, no big deal, the apartment is unoccupied anyway.

SURE AS SUGAR, five minutes later there’s a knock at our door. It’s a disgruntled looking woman in business-casual holding a clipboard asking why there’s a truck in the driveway two apartments down, because she’s trying to do a move in and the renters aren’t happy.

We hashed it out, explained that we called and that it would be picked up tomorrow, there was no place else to put it. Okay, she’s still disgruntled, but there’s nothing anybody can do. We apologize to the neighbors, carry on.

Anyway, what was supposed to be a leisurely three day pack-up turned into a quick overnight. They said they’d call us at 9a.m. today (Wednesday – I’m repeating this because I have no idea wtf day it is) to schedule the pickup time.

So, like good little movers, we were up until midnight playing IRL Tetris with headlamps, and up at 7a.m. to finish the job while hungrily scarfing McDonald’s breakfast. And I should add that getting our full-sized couch DOWN two flights of stairs by ourselves wasn’t nearly as much easier than getting it UP than I thought it would be.

About 8:15 this morning Alan got a call from Pack and Ride. They nonchalantly asked if there was any way we could leave tomorrow but NBD nothing’s definite. We told them firmly NO FUCKING WAY and hung up.

“That sure stresses me out.” “Don’t think about that now. I’m not going to think about that now.”

About 9 Alan missed a call from them.

He was finishing up the truck while I was upstairs cleaning. He came up, walked into the kitchen, gave me a giant smile, a peck on the cheek, and announced:

“The voicemail says there’s no way they can come until tomorrow at noon!”,  with an inflection that would probably be better suited to the sentence “I just got a blow job in the driveway!”

I screamed, fainted, then woke up and stuck my head in the oven and wailed at Alan to TURN ON THE GAS. TURN ON THE FUCKING GAS, JUST DO IT. A few deep breaths later, we regrouped, Alan explain briefly that the oven is electric, then called Estes (the company Pack and Ride had contracted to do the pickup since we live in the boonies) and explained that we have to be out of housing since it’s a 3-day weekend, we have 3 hotels booked that we can’t unbook, my wife gets her period some time in the next three days, AND we’re blocking someone ELSE’S driveway. They acquiesced, told us pick up would be before 1p.m. today (Wednesday).

They were here at 12:30, our stuff is gone. The house is clean. I’m sitting here with an open bottle of Pinot Grigio in my hand and no cups in sight. Final walkthrough tomorrow morning, and then we’re on the road.

Our total weight was 6140, which is about 2,000lbs MORE than we had when we moved in, WHICH BLOWS MY MIND. I have no idea how this happened. There’s nothing to BUY here. One trip to ikea?  Four shelf units, a coffee table, and a desk? Two thousand pounds?

But that’s awesome for us because the truck was a flat rate – so long as we’re inside 12′ (we took up about 9′), the price is the same – but the GOVERNMENT pays by the pound. We’re going to make over 3Gs on this move.

So it all worked out.

it begins. Number of times that tarp almost killed me? Once.

Too bad we're Apt C! Also, see that step over to the right? Doozy.

Also, that's a head wacker. Number of times I hit my head? 2.

6000lbs, 9' square.

bye stuff.

the only pillow left in the house.

I won, a lot.

Alan should probably stop playing me while he’s drunk.

But I’m not gloating. I also DIDN’T set this screen shot as my caller ID photo on his phone. Nope. That was someone else.

i almost passed out.

Have 5 minutes to weep uncontrollably? Great. Go to eBay and search Michael Jackson, then sort the price high to low, or just click that link. Look at the domains.

Fantastic. What is wrong with society?

(I stole this idea from Sean.)

shotsnaps

he's playing boat.

thanks, disassemble-able ikea furniture

now he's playing racecar.

STAY IN SCHOOLZ.

HOMAHGAH. We woke up this morning to this series of texts to Alan’s phone, to which, for some reason, we replied:

So if  u c ne missing prsns repoorts for a grl named Jasmines, I have her #. lololol. your. and such.

Rap + Accordions = Really Enjoyable, Actually

MF DOOM – Madvillain

Someone sent this to me on FB after I was talking smack about accordions. Showed me!

Also, I now have plans in August as well. So I have two sets of plans in a city I don’t live in yet. YES!

volcanos from space

Volano erupting, as seen from space. Via DailyMail.

we’re going to miss all this space, a little.

getting back to my roots

If you’ve enjoyed my hair chronicles over the past year

(and have I mentioned i got rid of the blonde today?)

(hard to tell in photos but it's massively diff)

and you live in the Ft. Polk/Sleesville area, then I recommend checking out Eye Candy and asking for Rachelle, who is not only my hairdresser but a dear friend AND SAVIOR from all the abysmal salons in this town. TEN of her clients PCS/ETSed THIS MONTH, so go, give her your business. She’s a delightful person to hang out with for an hour every two weeks.  (In fact I will admit that I have gotten a haircut when I barely needed one just because I liked hanging out there.) RACHELLE I WILL MISS YOU TERRIBLY.

I know there are at least a few of you down here who read this (or several, I suspect, if you’re running into each other at parties =)), so show her some love. A cut for me is $35, I think? Great.

i can’t help it

i eat up her shenanigans with a GD spoon:

I want

a dress with Hot Air Balloon sleeves.